Honestly Therapeutic

This is a fantastic question! Taking your child to see a therapist is a brave, yet vulnerable, decision to make. It isn’t easy to recognize, let alone admit, when your child or teen needs a little bit more support. Asking for help can feel downright intimidating, and I sincerely hope you know that most therapists understand this. Many of us are parents ourselves, and we get how challenging it can feel to not only get your child into therapy, but to figure out your role in the process.

Before I get ahead of myself, I want to first clarify that every therapist may answer this question a little bit differently depending on the kind of setting that they work in (i.e. a hospital, school, intensive treatment center). A school counselor, for example, is more likely to work exclusively with a child, having pretty limited contact with parents. On the other hand, if your child has bigger behaviors and needs to be at a more intensive therapy center, regular family therapy sessions may well be part of the program.

With all of that said, I want you to understand that I am going to answer this question from the perspective of a therapist who works with kids and teens who are largely ‘okay’. They may be processing/healing from past trauma, having issues in school or at home, but they respond well to weekly therapy.

In my experience, kids have the best outcomes when their parents have a good relationship with their child’s therapist, and are open to trying new strategies at home in order to best support them. This looks differently depending on the age of your child. For example, when I work with children under the age of 5, I request that their parent(s) join us in session far more frequently than for the older children or teenagers that I work with. There are exceptions, of course, but I do this because younger kids usually come to therapy to address behavioral concerns (i.e. yelling, frequent tantrums, hitting, kicking, etc.). It’s very important to be able to support not only the child, but the parent as well. We recognize that you are a major part of the ‘team’ when it comes to helping your child thrive, and want to make sure that you have all of the tools that you need to help them at home.

The same is true for older kids, but I often find that they crave more space from their parents in therapy. When this is the case, I find that I can still uphold their privacy while having some contact with parents to hear about progress/setbacks, and to provide suggestions. I let my clients as well as their parents know that I keep everything that is said in sessions private unless I’m concerned about safety, or the client gives me permission to share something. Even so, I find parent sessions incredibly valuable for both myself, and for the parents that I speak with. It gives me the opportunity to hear a new/different perspective on how things are going outside of therapy, and it allows me to share my insights about what a child may need in terms of additional support(s).

Teenagers are, you guessed it, a bit more inclined to keep their parents at arms length when it comes to contact with their therapist. This is very normal, and I find that therapy goes the best when this is respected. If a teenager, (especially one 15+), isn’t comfortable with me having contact with their parent, I listen. I remind them that I may need to break confidentiality if I have safety concerns, but aside from this I respect their boundaries because I want them to view therapy as a place that is 100% safe. I know that this can feel pretty frustrating for some parents, and I get it. It may feel like yet another area of their life that they are trying to push you out of. Please know that these feelings are normal, but you are doing them a huge service by allowing them some space to process their feelings and grow as a person. By allowing them this space you are teaching them that it’s ok to have boundaries, and I generally find that teenagers are much more likely to open up to their parents when this is the case.

In short, while your role in therapy as a parent will vary depending on the age and needs of your child, your support is crucial. Therapists have the privilege of getting to know and help your child for a short period of time, but your relationship with them lasts a lifetime and is a key factor in their emotional wellbeing!