Honestly Therapeutic

Most people who go to therapy are hoping to see some kind of positive shift in their life. Perhaps they’re hoping to heal from the past, to learn new ways to cope with stress, or to learn how to have healthier boundaries in their life. In some cases it can be easy to know if therapy is working- you notice that your symptoms are gradually decreasing and your quality of life and relationships seem to be improving as well. For others, it can feel more like a roller coaster where some weeks you feel great, while others leave you feeling defeated. I’m assuming that if you chose to read this post, you are more likely to be in the second group, feeling like therapy isn’t quite ‘fixing’ things.

Before I get ahead of myself, I want to acknowledge that sometimes you need to trust your gut. If you feel like therapy isn’t working (and you’ve given it at least a couple of months), you should share this with your therapist. This could allow for a productive conversation about what may need to change in therapy. I have experienced this both as a client and in my role as a therapist, and I’ve generally found that this conversation can provide a much needed shift in the therapeutic relationship. I believe that therapy is most effective when there is a feeling of safety, trust and openness.

Alternatively, if this conversation does not seem helpful and you continue to feel stuck, it may reveal that you do, in fact, need to seek out a new therapist. Every clinician is different, and it’s important to feel comfortable with who you are seeing in order to make progress. It’s also important to recognize that therapists specialize in different types of therapy (i.e. Talk therapy, couples therapy, play therapy, EMDR therapy, etc.). Perhaps you made great progress with your current therapist but this feeling of being ‘stuck’ is your intuition that a new approach is needed. That’s OK.

If, however, you’ve just begun your journey with therapy, I think that it’s important to give the process time. We all bring so many experiences, both good and bad, to the table when we go to therapy. Finding relief from emotional pain is rarely simple, and it takes time to really get to the root of our problems. Therapists are trained to help you make meaningful, ideally life-long changes in your life. I’ve told many of my clients that, while I wish I had a ‘magic wand’ to make everything better, this isn’t the case. Healing and growth is a messy, often uncomfortable process that really CAN feel like a roller coaster sometimes. Change is not easy- this is why I say that even the simple act of going to therapy is a very brave choice.

Therapy is a place to be heard, feel understood, and gain new tools that we can use to live healthier, more fulfilling lives. It’s important to be honest with yourself and your therapist if you truly feel that therapy is not working for you, but it’s equally important to be patient with both yourself and the therapeutic process.